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Damn those beguiling fae bitches

mirk cover webThis is one of those stories that I mostly forget about after writing it, and when I looked at it again, I thought, “Huh. That character would be great in a novel…dammit!” But for now, enjoy the short story, won’t you?

Bespelled by a faerie curse. Framed for stealing a baby. Watches her boyfriend get spirited away by the beguiling fae bitch. But Tamara isn’t someone who takes this sort of shit lying down. She has a legacy to uphold, and a boyfriend to rescue…and a secret that will rock both the faerie and mundane worlds. A mesmerizing fantasy short story from “one of the best writers working today.”

“Proof of Devotion” also appears in my collection Written on the Coast.

Available in ebook format from these fine establishments:
Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo | Smashwords | Omnilit | iBooks

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Uncollected Anthology, Issue 5: Magical Libraries

BugI can’t believe we’re starting Year 2 of this project. Time definitely does fly when you’re having fun!

This issue’s theme is Magical Libraries, and what more can I say about that? Even the most mudane of libraries is magical simply for the worlds of wonders it holds in its books. Add some urban fantasy to the mix, and the sky’s the limit! I know I had a blast writing my story, and I get the sense all the other authors in this issue did, too.

Our guest author this month is USA Today bestselling author Dean Wesley Smith, who wrote for us a story set in his supremely popular (and supremely fun!) Poker Boy universe. All the stories are listed below—happy reading!

“These Chains”

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Madeleine works at a secret library beneath the New York Public Library, serving her final magical-juvie sentence. If she keeps her head down and does her time, she’ll finally be free. But when the most prized—and most dangerous books—are stolen, the ancient ones affixed with chains, all eyes turn on her.

Because her girlfriend—the girl she thought was her girlfriend—clearly had her fingers all over the job.

The Magical Council tells Madeleine to sit tight; they’ll handle it. Madeleine, however, isn’t any good at waiting for someone else to solve a problem. She has to get involved, even if she ends up being found guilty for doing the wrong thing for the right reasons…yet again.

Buy it at any of these fine online retailers:

Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo | Omnilit | Smashwords | iBooks

The other incredibly fabulous authors—go check out their stories!

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“Kitty of Death,” Michele Lang

When you lose a Library Cat, the late fees are murder…

Corrie the Cat Librarian leads an orderly life in the strange little town of New Castle, Connecticut. As Keeper of Feline Deities, Corrie lends her cats out to magicworkers who need a familiar to complete their spells.

A safe and rather boring existence…

But when Idris, a minor Egyptian deity, goes missing, Corrie and the formidable litigomancer Elizabeth Royall must battle an evil, medieval necromancer bent on capturing death itself. And in the process, Corrie discovers the deadly power of a quiet magic.

“Lang is a writer to watch.” — Booklist

 

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“The Library of Orphaned Hearts,” Annie Reed

The books in Gretta’s library contain something far more precious than words. Something she lost herself in her youth and thought gone forever until a stranger made of shadows and smiles handed her a key and a book she couldn’t read.

The books in Gretta’s library can never be purchased, only loaned, and only to those truly in need.

The books in Gretta’s library can change your life.

If you’re brave enough to ask.

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“All the Words in All the Worlds,” Leslie Claire Walker

When Chris Garcia reads the magical morning Metro section of the newspaper, one and only one article stands out: a girl named Alice must find something precious she’s lost before nightfall or go to Hell. Chris figures his newfound magical skill of finding the lost will save her. Instead, he walks straight into a trap. If he fails to find a way out before the sun sets, he dooms Alice—and himself—forever.

“For more than a decade now,
I have adored the work of Leslie Claire Walker.”
— Kristine Kathryn Rusch

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“The Midbury Lake Incident,” Kristine Kathryn Rusch

Mary Beth Wilkins knows she made a mistake the moment she sees her beloved library burn. She also knows what she must do next to protect herself and her secret. And although she failed to save this library, she has a more important purpose to fulfill—a magical purpose. If she acts fast.

“Rusch is a great storyteller.”
—RT Book Reviews

Guest Author

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“The Library of Atlantis,” Dean Wesley Smith

Poker Boy specializes in asking stupid questions. But sometimes even stupid questions need answers.

To save the fabric of all things from unraveling, whatever that means, Poker Boy must go to the Library of Atlantis and do something that no one ever accomplished before.

Poker Boy saves all things. Again!

“[The Poker Boy] series is unlike anything else out there.
It’s quirky and a lot of fun.”
—Amazing Stories

Final Info

As a reminder, we do have a website and a newsletter, for the sole purpose of telling you when the next batch of stories is available.

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Spicy garlic HELP!

Help me, my foodie friends, you’re my only hope!

When we were in Seattle a couple of weekends ago, I had the most amazing dish at a noodle shop, and I desperately want to re-create it. They billed it as spicy garlic rice, and you can see it on this menu page in the bottom left.

As near as I can tell, the “sauce” was thinly sliced/chopped garlic, oil, and red pepper flakes (I think). It was thick, and I had to work it into the rice (it sat on top otherwise; you can see that in the picture). It was spicy, but not painfully so. It was sooooooo goooooood.

I asked the waiter what was in it, and he said they make their own sauce. Something about marinating (that wasn’t the word he used, though, argh) the garlic in the pepper sauce? He probably used cooking terms I don’t know, and it was also almost two weeks ago, and I knew I should’ve written it down right away, but no.

So, anybody want to take a stab at how to make this? Is it possible to buy garlic soaked in pepper oil, and if so, where? Or is it easy enough to make it? And then how would I cook it?

Please use small words and give very basic instructions, because although I’m perfectly capable of following a recipe (and even modifying it once I understand it), I’m not a hardcore or experienced cook, nor have I branched out into anything complex.

I have searched online but nothing has come up that sounds remotely similar. I could be using the wrong search terms, though. (Spicy + garlic + rice doesn’t work, anyway, probably because the rice was topped by the sauce, not cooked with it.)

Thank you! xo

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Zombie apocalypse, or, I am possibly screwed

I saw a meme the other day that was basically “The zombie apocalypse is happening, and your team are the protagonists of the last three things you read/watched.”

And I had to stop and think about it.

1. Ross Poldark, Poldark. Pros: fought in the Revolutionary War (albeit on the wrong side), quick on his feet, smart. Cons: If Aidan Turner smolders at me or, gods forbid, takes off his shirt like he just did, I’m going to stumble and become zombie fodder. Then again, if we survive, I’d be happy to try and repopulate the earth with him. (We would fail, but we could try. A lot. Repeatedly.)

2. Barry Allen/The Flash, The Flash. He’d be a tremendous asset as long as he listened to me and not his idiot team with their cockamamey plans. Just grab some steel cable and wrap around the zombie very quickly. Better yet, just quickly grab the zombie and transport it far away. Better still, just pick me up and quickly transport me away from the zombies. The end. Jesus, why is that so hard?

3. Johnny Rock, Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll. Uh oh. I told Ken about this meme, and he said “We can throw him at the zombies.” Because yeah, Johnny’s pretty much only good for slowing the zombies down. If they ingest drug-addled brains, do they become drug-addled? Even better.

The best part of this exercise was to step back and think, damn, I watched a historical drama, a SF/superhero, and a sitcom about a washed-up rock-and-roll singer, all in one night. I am so weird.

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Weekend vacay

It’s been a long time since Ken and I have been able to justify funds towards anything resembling a vacation. But the wedding of two friends proved to be enough of an excuse for us to run away for the weekend.

I’ve been to Seattle only once before, when we visited a friend who was visiting a friend there. Then, we went to Pike Place Market and some lovely restaurants, but otherwise didn’t do Seattle. And our idea of sightseeing in a new place is different than most people’s…we’re not foodies, for example. We like history. And weird shit.

We drove up Friday evening after our workout (and showering, and dinner, and packing). We’d planned all along to take the motorcycle, but a couple of days beforehand, I was inspired to look at the weather report, and it was going to be much hotter than we’d initially thought. We still packed light—I didn’t even take the laptop, figuring the iPad and keyboard would be enough. We stayed in a reasonable hotel in Auburn, WA, partway between Seattle and the small town where the wedding would be.

Unfortunately, the promised WiFi didn’t work. Not even in the breakfast room the next day. Our phones have 3G, and the iPad is supposed to, but I haven’t been able to get it to work recently (it wouldn’t work in Atlanta, either). So that was a bit annoying, because I had some work email to deal with that I’d intended to handle Friday night at the hotel.

Saturday we went down to the breakfast room, where they had a reasonable array of stuff, and ended up eating with a woman and her son…from Oxnard. She was wearing a Camarillo sweatshirt, which sparked the initial conversation. Small world! Then we were off to Seattle.

First goal: the Seattle underground tour. I’ve been wanting to do this for aaaaaages. The first thing that happened was the good camera died, but not before I got a picture of the nifty old floor tiles in the building where the tour starts.

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Our tour guide described herself as short and scrappy, and she was both, as well as hilarious, plus she had peacock-dyed braids that I coveted. She did a great job, as did the guide who did the initial presentation before we started off. I hadn’t realized until the tour that the underground isn’t all connected—the builders basically walled off each block as additional insurance against flooding. The tour felt a little rushed at times—at least, I wanted to linger over things we were hustled past—but I loved it. Especially the part about the city census and the surprisingly large number of “independent seamstresses.” I want to take the more “adult” tour now, as well as the ghost hunting tour (they load you up with ghost hunting equipment!). After the tour, we bought a couple of books (big surprise), and continued on.

We checked out a couple of places we’d spotted during the tour that we wanted to eyeball:

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And took some random pictures:

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Next stop was the annual Time Travelers’ Rummage Sale, which was kind enough to schedule itself on the same day as our friends’ wedding (or perhaps the other way around). It was smaller than I expected, but I did find one thing I was looking for: some sort of moderately sized headpiece of some sort to wear to the wedding. I picked up a fascinator in greens (to go with top I’d be wearing) and blues and purples, which are also the colors of my faerie outfits and steampunk outfits (well, the steampunk has more highlights in those colors). I also snapped up a pair of vintage shoes for $3.

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Aaaand lunchtime. Ken wanted to try a nearby Japanese noodle place. I wasn’t up for a hot bowl of noodles and broth on a hot day, so I went with a gyoza appetizer and some spicy garlic rice. Oh my freaking gods that rice was good. I must figure out a way to recreate it. I’m still craving it. I suspect I could eat it every day. Toss in some grilled chicken and veggies, and it’s a meal.

Then we toddled off to find the Bridge Troll, which we did. I wanted to try to poke his eye out (what you’re allegedly supposed to try to do), but he was bigger than I’d expected, and I hadn’t brought my rock-climbing gear. (First problem: I don’t own rock-climbing gear.)

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I was fading fast at this point, so we headed back to our hotel, which was about 40 minutes away. I grabbed a lemonade/tea drink at a Starbucks, but it wasn’t enough caffeine for me, because I promptly fell over onto the bed and dozed. I’d been feeling off all week, possibly due to the tetanus booster I’d gotten on Tuesday. This was Saturday, and my arm still hurt so much I couldn’t sleep on my left side, and was red from my shoulder to almost my elbow, plus I’d had low energy all week.

Then, wedding! I love weddings. I’m a complete and utter sap about proposals and weddings, and I don’t know why, except that I’m a hopeless romantic and people pledging their love for one another makes me weep with joy. Leah and Blaze had probably the best vows I’ve ever heard…but that’s their story to tell. Here I’ll just note how happy they are.

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She made her dress and his shirt and vest; he made mead and wine for the wedding, and jam for us to take home. We got to hang out with other writer-friends (that’s how I know Leah and Blaze), and it was a perfectly lovely evening.

Oh, and here’s that flowered fascinator I picked up at the Time Travelers’ Rummage Sale:

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Then we went back to the hotel, read for a bit, and fell asleep early, because we were knackered.

Initially we’d planned to spend Sunday in Seattle, but see above re: me being exhausted all week. I’d realized a few days before we left that I was going to need at least part of Sunday to work. But, we had one stop to make on the way home.

See, on the way up, while Ken was driving, something interesting caught my eye on a billboard, but it was one of those electronic ones, so it blinked away before I could read it all. So I squinched around in my seat to read the other side of the billboard as we passed, and whatever had been on the front side fled my mind, because what I saw was baby clouded leopards.

Did you hear that glass-shattering shriek of delight? BABY CLOUDED LEOPARDS, people.

I turned back to Ken and told him in no uncertain terms we had to find the baby clouded leopards.

He pointed out it was 10 o’clock at night, and we probably couldn’t see them right that moment. But some research and planning led us to the Point Defiance Zoo on Sunday.

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Right there. Pink jellybean toes of doom on a baby clouded leopard. I could not contain my squees. I could not even try.

It was a nice, small-ish zoo, and we saw tigers (including this one, who posed when I said hello, beautiful) and otters (Asian river otters and sea otters), puffins, artic foxes (more squeeage), enormous polar bears, and did I mention clouded leopard cubs??!

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By then it was very hot, so we gassed up the car at a nearby Costco (grabbing a hot dog for Ken and a pizza slice for me) and got back on the road to head home.

There’s more we want to do in Seattle—the science fiction museum, the bookstore with the cats everywhere, more tours, wandering around the Victorian house districts—so we’ll be back. We crammed the perfect amount of stuff into this visit. It’s not quite four hours away, so it’s perfect for a weekend getaway….

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New SFF collection available!

I’m really excited to announce I have new collection available. It’s ten short-short fantasy and science fiction stories, spanning twenty years (!) of my writing career. (Holy moly.)

Here are the deets:

SWcover webThe ten stories in Small Wonders: A Delightful Collection of Ten Short-Short Speculative Fiction Stories each runs no longer than 1500 words, making each one a perfect little bonbon of speculative fiction. Whether you savor a morsel at a time or gobble up the whole collection, you’ll walk away satisfied. (But unlike a box of chocolate, you can always come back and enjoy this collection again and again.) In Small Wonders, you’ll find out why Dayle A. Dermatis’s short fiction has been called “really, really good”!

Includes the following stories:

  • The Power to Change the Shape of the Land
  • The Pumpkin-Carving Contest
  • Cycles
  • Creative Arsenal
  • The Sultan’s Sons
  • A Matter of Perspective
  • Accidental Victim
  • Return
  • The Devil Went Down to the Sunset Strip
  • What Dragons Prefer

Order from Amazon
Order from Powell’s (coming soon!)
Order from Barnes & Noble

Also available in ebook format:
Amazon
 | Barnes & Noble | Kobo | iBooks | OmnilitSmashwords

Praise for Dayle A. Dermatis

“…One of the best writers working today.”
USA Today bestselling author Dean Wesley Smith

“Another awesome flash piece is, ‘The Return’ by Dayle A. Dermatis. This coming of age flash blends ancestor worship and lunar travel through a poetically inventive conceit of ‘speaking trees’. This piece is a flash SF triumph, recommended for both theme and technique.”
—sfreader.com

“I was particularly struck by the little gem, ‘Sultan’s Sons’ by Dayle A. Dermatis. This was, in my opinion, the…strongest story in the entire collection.”
—horrorreader.com

“You want something new and something fresh and I think I got that when I accepted [‘The Sultan’s Sons’] from…Dayle Dermatis.”
—Armand Rosamilia, Editor of Clash of Steel

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Like a hint of romance in your fantasy?

proof cover webLike a hint of romance in your fantasy? Like curses and holy wells and scary faeries? Then do I have a story for you!

If Claire can’t prove Jason loves her, a faerie curse will rip them apart forever. But how do you prove someone’s devoted to you? Short story “Proof of Devotion” cleverly blends fantasy and romance in magical Wales.

“Proof of Devotion” also appears in my collection Written on the Coast.

Available in ebook format from these fine establishments:
Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo | Smashwords | Omnilit | iBooks (coming soon!)

Want to chat about this post? Join me on Facebook or Twitter.

Oh yeah…I had a birthday

A couple of days after we picked up and moved to another state, I turned 49. I think this is utterly fabulous, because 4 is my favorite number, so 7 times that must be auspicious, right??

I had a perfectly lovely birthday. I took Ken to work, then came home and did about an hour’s worth of freelance work (finished a design job). I briefly talked to my mom, but had to dash out to meet my glorious friend Val for a ramble through the Tualatin River National Wildlife Refuge. We talked about everything from bad book design to Sasquatch scat. We also played Poohsticks and saw a big ol’ slug (nibbling on a flowery twig) and wee little snake. A volunteer with a really, really good telescope let us look through at a bald eagle. (I love the fact that every time I look at a live bald eagle, I totally see Sam the Eagle from the Muppets. He’s like the best designed Muppet ever.) The best part was that when we hugged goodbye, it wasn’t for six months or a year—I can see her again soon! (And, indeed, there are other nature preserves we are planning rambles and hikes through.)

I was starving by that point, so I came home long enough to grab my laptop and pet Grimoire, then headed off to Panera. Once their steak and blue cheese salad had assuaged my hunger, I did about an hour’s worth of freelance work (copyediting), then headed back home. I grabbed a shower and made a cup of tea, but then Ken called for his ride home, and we ended up going from there out for our evening festivities.

There’s a second-run theatre nearby, the Joy Cinema and Pub, that has just one screen, but on Mondays it’s $2 per showing, plus they have hard cider on tap (as well as beer and wine). So we got ciders and popcorn and settled in to see Big Hero 6, which was a lot of fun. Jupiter Ascending and Birdman are both playing there as well, so we may hit them up again this week.

We picked up a gyro and a falafel to share at the next-door falafel place (where we’d eaten before, a few years ago, maybe?), along with a dessert I can’t pronounce, and came home. After we ate, Ken spent time on the phone trying to set up Internet/cable (I’d say he’s spent more than an hour on this already, because aaargh) and with our Realtor who’s selling our house in CA, we rearranged the living room furniture a bit, and watched the Arthur episode “Falafalososphy” with Neil Gaiman, because I was sad that it was my birthday and he still didn’t show up in my falafel.

Ken said my present was either any book I wanted from Powell’s (but I have a gazillion books to give them for credit, although I really do want Neil’s latest collection, Trigger Warning, even though he still did not show up in my goddamn birthday falafel) (not that I’m bitter or anything) (hint: yes I am), or a massage (but my massage therapist is still in Oxnard…) so we shall see. Honestly, we just moved to a place with seasons and greenery; I’m counting that as a win.  🙂

I find myself wondering: why do we celebrate our own births, when we really had little to do with them? Why are we not showering gifts and praise on the mothers who squeezed us out through their hoo-hoos?

Uncollected Anthology, Issue 4: Portals & Passageways

BugSo much has been happening with the Uncollected Anthology project! This biggest news is that USA Today bestselling author Kristine Kathryn Rusch is now a permanent member of UA! We’re thrilled to have her with us.

This issue’s theme is Portals & Passageways: urban fantasy stories about doorways. When I was first pondering the Uncollected Anthology idea—well before I even figured out how to uncollect the stories (if that makes any sense). I love secret doorways and passages: I cut my teeth on Narnia, The Secret Garden, any number of Nancy Drew books and Gothic romances…you get the picture.

We’re also excited to have bestselling author JC Andrejeski as our guest author this month! So many doorways to open…if you answer the call to adventure and magic…

“Save a Prayer”

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Former Hollywood party girl Nikki Ashburne sees ghosts—in fact, many of them are her friends. Okay, they’re kind of her only friends. Most ghosts stick around because they’re happy here and have no desire to move on. So when she encounters a trapped and, quite frankly, batshit insane member of the formerly living, she’s driven to help…even though she hasn’t a clue how.

Another story in the Ghosted urban fantasy series featuring Nikki Ashburne.

Buy it at any of these fine online retailers:
Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo | Omnilit | Smashwords | iBooks

The other incredibly fabulous authors—go check out their stories!

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“Darker Streets,” Phaedra Weldon

The Cavanaugh Family is known for banishing the last of the Twelve High Demons of Hell with the help of the magic sword, November.

Fifty years later, the most power of those Demons escapes its prison and kills the Demon Hunter who imprisoned her. The Demon’s next target—Taylor Cavanaugh, the latest and only Heir to November.

But Taylor doesn’t know how to swing a bat, much less a sword. Her family’s failure to educate her about any of its history could prove to be her undoing unless she proves herself the Heir and wields the sword before the Demon known as Abbadon destroys her.

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“Rites of Passage,” Annie Reed

Finn guards this world from the monsters from the other side. Slays their servants before they can finish creating passageways into our world for their masters.

Important work. Lonely work. Work that killed Finn’s own master when he got careless after too many decades on the job.

And Finn’s been doing this work for a very, very long time.

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“Silver Dust,” Leslie Claire Walker

Silver had it all—eternal life, long-term memory, and a real sweet princess gig as the heir to the Faery King’s throne. But then the Faery realm caught a terrible disease, and she tried to save her people by taking the sickness into herself. She ended up banished with a price on her head and only days to live. The cure cost her memory and left her in hiding, a stranger to herself.

When her one friend in all the worlds disappears while trying to help her find a way home, Silver must come out of the shadows to save him. She must face the danger and the unknown lurking in the Human and Faery realms—and in her own strange heart and soul.

“For more than a decade now,
I have adored the work of Leslie Claire Walker.”
— Kristine Kathryn Rusch

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“The Streets Where We Live,” Kristine Kathryn Rusch

When Portia receives a call from an old friend she hasn’t talked to in years, she knows something terrible has happened. But when Portia realizes just how terrible—fifty kids missing from a Chicago theater with millions of dollars in damage left behind—she knows she’ll need backup from her magical sisters. Nothing about this latest case makes sense, magically or otherwise. And when she finally starts to discover the truth, Portia realizes that truth might be darker and more insidious than she ever imagined.

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“War on All Fronts,” Leah Cutter

 Tong Yi carries the mysterious message of Zhang Gua Loa back to his boss.

The immortal had said there would be war. But between whom? And why?

Huli Transport takes advantage of the situation to become the messenger service of choice in the war zone. They promise to remain neutral, and to deliver messages to all sides.

In the meantime, Tong Yi has battles of his own to fight, both with his older brother and his own growing understanding of magic.

But in the middle of a war, is it possible for him to remain neutral? Or has his side already been chosen for him?

This novella is a sequel to the story, “Dancing with Tong Yi” which appeared in Uncollected Anthology, Issue 1: Magical Motorcycles.

Guest Author

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“Kirev’s Door,” J.C. Andrijeski

 Kirev is a seer. Raised in an alternate version of our Earth, where his people are enslaved under human owners, Kirev joins a resistance army of rebel seers after spending most of his youth in work camps and brothels. He wants to help his people, but during his first mission with the seer rebels, Kirev faces a terrifying new future when a voice from his past intervenes and sends his life into a whole different direction.

~ A spinoff story from the ALLIE’S WAR series ~

Final Info

As a reminder, we do have a website and a newsletter, for the sole purpose of telling you when the next batch of stories is available.

Want to chat about this post? Join me on Facebook or Twitter.

Oregon or Bust

April 1, 2015 (no fooling)

We left Oxnard at 2 pm Tuesday (March 31). Ken drove the whole way because the SUV + loaded trailer could get a little wibbly, and I have no practice in dealing with that.

We were two hours from our destination and making great time, having made our final gas/pit stop, when the left rear tire on the trailer gave up the ghost. It was 4:30 am and almost nobody was on the road, so Ken was able to get it to the shoulder safely, limp to the nearest exit, and then limp to a warehouse facility that had floodlights around it. One phone call to U-Haul and about an hour later, a repair guy came out, replaced the wheel in about ten minutes, and we were back on our way.

I will say that packing the case of toilet paper so that it was the first thing accessible in the trailer was a good idea. And I am grateful for the flashlight on my iPhone and the large rocks just off to one side of the road.

Anyway.

We got to the apartment around 8 am, I think. Ken was at work by 9, and it’s a 15-minute walk. So 17 hours on the road (including the tire issue and some very brief pit/gas stops). What follows is the ongoing blog I kept up throughout the day, because it amused me…

9 am. Ken has gone to work. I shower, set the alarm for 2 pm, slide into bed with the Kindle and read a couple of chapters of a Dresden File. Grimore finds his kitty stairs, gets on the bed, and finally, finally stops singing the Song of His People.

Somewhere between 9:15 and 10:35 am. Grimoire tries to wake me up. I pull the comforter over my head. He steps on my head with his enormous paw. I make some incoherent noise and he settles back down.

10:35 am. My mother calls. (I hadn’t muted the phone on the off chance Ken needed something.) I mumble something incoherent and hang up. I try to fall back asleep.

12:42 pm. Ken texts that he misses Grimmy and I already and wishes we could all curl up for a nap. What follows is this exact exchange:

Me: Garblzornk…
Ken: I’m too tired for Vogon poetry right now. Maybe later, my love…
Me: No tea. No milk. No will to live.
Ken: Do you have tea bags? That you can get to?
Me: i don’t know, do i?* fire bsd tree prtyy**

Understand that from my end, I have to close one eye and hold the phone approximately 6.3 millimeters from my other eye. I’m Mr. Magoo without my glasses on.

Also during this exchange, Grimoire attempted to get my attention by patting me on an exposed, sensitive portion of my anatomy. His claws need trimming. My responses was less than gentle.

A few minute later, as I am lying on the bed, having given up on falling back asleep and listening to the gentle rain on the leaves outside, I receive another text:

Ken: Come to the front door now, my love.

I wrap myself in a spare sheet, immediately turning into the female lead in a romantic comedy, and go to the front door. It’s raining and lovely. Did he tell me to look at the rain? Instructions unclear. I head back to the bedroom to find my phone and ask when the doorbell rings.

It’s Ken. He’s holding a cup of English breakfast and a small container of milk. Apparently there are tea/coffee facilities all over work (although he had to buy the milk somewhere). He tells me he loves me, kisses me, and dashes back off into the rain.

Although the tea is almost cold by the time I drink it, it’s the best-tasting tea ever.

Time to do some unpacking.

2:33 pm. Find my own tea stash. Unfortunately, have not yet found the electric kettle or a pot for boiling water. Or mugs.

2:37 pm. Do I own all these spices? When did that happen?

2:49 pm. [in Count von Count voice] Three! Three boxes unpacked! Ah ha ha!

2:52 pm. I HAVE FOUND THE ALCOHOL.

3:15 pm. Run out of boxes to unpack. Have created ongoing list of things to find in storage and things to take to storage.

3:36 pm. Sitting in bathroom, playing a game on my iPad. (Do not judge me.) Struck by the sudden realization: Oh shit, I live here now.

(I stopped blogging after that.) Ken came home, we napped, and then went to the storage unit and unpacked the trailer and SUV…in the rain. Then we came back to the apartment to unpack what needed to go into the apartment, and an incredibly wonderful young man from an apartment across the way saw us and volunteered to help. So I lay on the bedroom floor with a stressed Grimoire until they were done. We tried to take him out to dinner a few days later, but somehow he ended up taking us out to lunch. (No, I can’t quite explain how that happened.) (Which reminds me, we still owe him dinner.)

Grimoire did fantastically well, all things considered. He had his carrier to hide in, his sheepskin to lie on, and a litter box, as well as access to the front of the SUV. We did give him Kitty Xanax, which helped, although he still frequently sang us the Song of His People. Sometimes he napped on my lap or on the console between us. Sometimes he lay in the litter box. Sometimes he tried to squeeze into a hole between our stuff to get further back into the SUV, necessitating that I remove my seatbelt and dive after him before we lost him forever. It took him a few days to get acclimated to the apartment, and he still follows me from room to room, but he’s a happy boy because his people are here.  🙂


*The depth of my exhaustion is clear from the fact that I have given up on capital letters. Normally this would appall me.
**An attempt to quote Buffy’s “Fire bad; tree pretty.”

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